


San Francisco

by princessmikey



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, based off san francisco, but its a happy ending, kinda a weird ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 18:06:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8023783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessmikey/pseuds/princessmikey
Summary: Michael picked up his pen, placed it on the paper, and his mind fell blank of everything but the beach. The disgusting beach that was filled with wet sand, and blistering sun. The beach Michael and Luke spent their weekend away at. The beach with memories. The beach that held all the pain Michael wanted to forget.





	San Francisco

Michael sat at the small, black table outside of Starbucks. He had his drink set before him, the lid removed so he could stare at the light brown liquid. He swirled the little wooden stick he had, watching the way it created little waves, just like the ones that beat on the shore, the shore he visited every summer as a kid, the shore he spent a whole weekend watching with Luke. Both memories brought an ache to Michael’s chest because he knew he couldn’t go back.

 

Michael brought the cup to his lips, and took a small sip of the warm drink, feeling it warm the inside of his mouth, and all the way to his stomach. He let his eyes flutter closed, and he took a deep breath, smelling the sweet pumpkin scent of his latte. His eyes reopened, and he was met with the reddening leaves around him, and the crisp air hitting his cheeks. Michael sighed. He wasn’t sure how fall snuck up on him so fast. He felt it was only last weekend that he and Luke drove to San Francisco to celebrate the beginning of summer.

 

_Michael was sitting in the front seat, his hands resting loosely on the steering wheel, and his foot gently pressing the gas. He had a pair of sunglasses shielding his eyes, and the wind was running through his messy hair._

_Luke sat in the seat next to him, matching shades resting on the bridge of his nose, and his fingers fiddling with the radio. After a while of flipping between stations, he settled on one that was playing Twenty One Pilots. He leaned back in his seat, a blissful smile on his lips. He rested his head against the seat, and propped his feet up on the dashboard. Michael thought he looked so relaxed, a look he missed seeing on Luke. He had been so overworked and stressed lately, it was hard to catch him anywhere close to calm._

_Michael had suggested the getaway the minute they had time off. Luke gladly agreed at the mention, and that’s how they ended up in a rented jeep, on their way to San Francisco._

Michael didn’t want to think of the trip though. He wanted to forget everything that happened. Frankly, he just wanted to forget Luke. He wanted to forget his perfect sandy blonde curls, and his sparkling, gemstone eyes. He wanted to forget his dazed expression, and even more dazed laugh. He wanted to forget his dad jokes, and his dad dance moves. He wanted Luke gone from his mind, but since his mind hated him, he seemed to only be able to think of the man.

 

He could only think of the way the fire light looked illuminated on Luke’s cheek bones, and the way he smelt like some sweet, vanilla perfume. He could only think about how the warmth of the coffee was no match for the way it felt to have Luke cuddled up next to him.

 

Life wasn’t the same without Luke. It was blander, greyer. Life was a cycle of tiring days, most of which Michael didn’t bother getting out of bed.

 

Michael missed seeing the color in life, he missed having energy. He should be fine. He should be able to write something happy, something less jet black. He should be able to have blue hair, but it hurt to look at when the shade faded to a color so close to Luke’s eyes.

 

Michael let out a tired sigh, and looked down at the blank notebook page. He needed to write a song. Maybe that would help work through his feelings just like it had in the past.

 

Michael picked up his pen, placed it on the paper, and his mind fell blank of everything but the beach. The disgusting beach that was filled with wet sand, and blistering sun. The beach Michael and Luke spent their weekend away at. The beach with memories. The beach that held all the pain Michael wanted to forget.

 

_Michael and Luke had reached the ocean in the evening. They unpacked in their little beach cottage, and then walked out to the shore just in time to catch the last few minutes of the sunset. They sat in the sand, their eyes wide in amazement as the sun melted into the water, turning the tide a burnt orange. Luke rested his head on Michael’s shoulder, and Michael felt the butterflies scratch at the walls of his stomach._

_Michael yelled at himself in the confines of his mind. He should not be getting nervous under his best friends touch. He should feel like he did when Calum cuddled him, or when Ashton pulled him in for a hug. He should not be feeling warm and clammy and nervous._

_Michael took a deep breath, and broke apart from Luke. “I’ll make us a fire.” He mumbled._

_He walked over to their cabin, and took some of the complimentary wood, bringing the small bundle back to the space he and Luke claimed as theirs. He set up the wood in a small tent like shape. He dug in his pockets, finding a few small pieces of paper, ones that would work for starting the fire. He crumpled a few, and stuck them in the cracks, then set them on fire with his lighter. The flame spread to the wood, and soon a fire was blazing._

_Michael looked over at Luke, catching the blonde in a trance, his blue eyes fixated on the way the flame danced, and swayed with the light breeze._

_A small grin spread over Michael’s lips, and he moved closer to Luke. Luke looked over at Michael, a stupidly cute grin on his lips, then he rested his head back on Michael’s shoulder, and this time Michael didn’t move. He just let himself feel the warmth in his stomach, and allowed his mind to swirl with all the perfect words to describe Luke._

Michael set his pen down, looking at the page that was nearly filled with potential lyrics, most of which were too saturated in emotion to ever use in a song, but some could work.

 

Michael reached out for his half empty coffee cup. He wrapped his shaky hand around the cup, praying that he wouldn’t spill the contents. He did not need another embarrassing story to add to the already existing list of them.

 

Michael brought the drink to his lips, and took another sip. He felt the liquid relax him slightly, and the pumpkin flavoring pulled him back into fall for a brief moment. Michael wanted to enjoy fall. He wanted to smile as the leaves fell from the trees, and he wanted to cherish every sip of his seasonal drink. Michael wanted to enjoy the feeling of his skinny jeans and sweaters. He wanted to be able to cuddle up in his sheets, holding Luke to his chest, and watching ugly Halloween movies until the sun rose in the morning.

 

Michael wanted to escape his summer nightmare. He wanted to leave San Francisco. He wanted to be back in Los Angles and enjoy his final, fall day on break. He wanted to enjoy one last day before he had to face the reality of working with Luke. One more day of not feeling guilty every time the room would become awkward over the tension he created with Luke.

 

Michael shut his journal. He didn’t want to look at his messy, love soaked lyrics. He tucked both the journal and pen in his bag, and then took the final drinks of his latte. When he finished he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and allowed himself to become present. He needed to exist now. The past was the past.

 

Michael stood from the wire chair, and threw out his cup. He walked back to Calum’s apartment, the same one he had been hiding out at for most of the summer.

 

Calum kept encouraging Michael to return to his home, the one he shared with Luke, but Michael wasn’t ready to face the man yet, so instead he and Ashton had switched homes for the summer.

 

Michael walked into the apartment, happy to see Calum was gone. He did not need his friend forcing him to live, and stop moping around. Michael was able to make a bee line for his room, and collapse on top of his bed. He was allowed to sleep, and return to his sweet dreams.

 

__

 

Michael slept through the night, and woke the next morning with anxiety. He was not ready for today, and he was sure he never would be. If 5 Seconds of Summer wasn’t such a success he would drop out of the band, but he couldn’t do that to the fans that supported them. He had to tough it out for them.

 

He pulled himself from his bed, well really Calum pulled him from the bed, but either way he was out of bed and getting dressed for the day. He got ready, and followed Calum to the car. He climbed in the passenger seat, and tried to calm his mind. He was just going to the studio. He was going to make music, his favorite thing in the world. He would be reunited with some of his best friends, and he would have a good day. He should not be as nervous as he was, but the nerves were never ending. Every time he thought he was fine with the studio, he would picture Luke picking at his finger nails, the way he always did when he was uncomfortable. Michael would have to watch, and know that it was because of him that Luke felt that way. He would not be able to hug and comfort him like he used to do, he would just have to watch the discomfort.

 

“Calum, I don’t think I can do it.” Michael said shakily.

 

“You’ll be fine Michael. I’m sure Luke doesn’t even care.” Calum replied.

 

“I fucking kissed him, Cal. Of course he cares. And now it’s going to be so awkward. How was I able to fuck things up so badly?” Michael sighed.

 

“It’s not that bad Mike. You just have to get inside, and everything will be alright.” Calum replied, looking away from the road for a brief moment so he could give Michael a warm, reassuring smile.

 

Michael nodded, feeling a little better after Calum talked to him. He took a deep breath, and tried to prepare for the studio that they were quickly approaching.

 

Calum pulled into the driveway, and parked behind the car Michael recognized as Luke’s. He took a shaky breath, but stepped out of the car none the less. He walked to the door, his legs shaking so bad he was surprised he hadn’t fallen yet.

 

Calum caught up to the man, and wrapped his arm around the small of Michael’s back, giving him the extra support just in case he were to fall. Michael smiled gratefully at his friend, and stepped inside.

 

As soon as he was through the doors he could hear Luke’s loud laugh, and smell the familiar vanilla of his perfume. Michael felt nauseous, and tried to run back to the car, but Calum grabbed his arm before he could, and gave him a gentle squeeze.

 

“It’s going to be okay, Mike. The longer you wait the more awkward it will be.” Calum whispered.

 

Michael nodded, taking a deep breath, one that he hoped would calm him down a little bit. He followed Calum into the studio space John had in his house. He stopped right after the door, his eyes growing wide when he spotted Luke. His insides flipped, and he thought he may throw up.

 

Luke looked over at Michael, his eyes growing just as wide as Mike’s. His jaw fell open, and the words previously flowing from his mouth stopped.

 

Michael tried to turn and run, but once again Calum stopped him.

 

“Come on. It’s okay. I’ll be here the entire time.” Calum whispered, a gentle smile on his lips.

 

“Yeah. Okay.” Michael replied dazedly. He followed Calum to a couch, and sat beside him. His eyes seemed to move back to Luke, just like they always do, and he was met with Luke’s still staring wide eyes. Michael looked at his lap, feeling regret for what he did over the summer. He was a grown man. He should have been able to control himself. He should not have kissed Luke.

 

_It was the second night on the beach, and Michael and Luke were watching the sunset. Luke had been complaining for a good fifteen minutes about the wind, and how he was so cold, so Michael had ran inside and grabbed him a blanket. The moment he handed it to Luke, the blanket was wrapped around his shoulders like a cape, and a content sigh fell from his lips. Michael smiled at the man, and took the spot beside him. Luke took this as his chance to move in close, and before Michael knew what was happening, Luke was wrapped up in Michael’s grip._

_Michael felt the butterflies return to his stomach, this time stronger than the night before. He wondered if Luke was feeling the same way, but he figured he wasn’t. Who would be in love with a man like him? One who was said to be the messiest on tour. One who blurted out inappropriate things any time he was nervous. He wasn’t someone people fell in love with. He was someone people talk about at parties to get people laughing. He’s the one people think about from their past, and thank god they were able to move on from that. He was the one that would be alone forever, and drowning his sorrows in alcohol._

_Michael rested his head on Luke’s, and took a deep breath. His eyes watched the sun setting into the water, and his heart beat rapidly in his chest. The moment felt so perfect, like it was straight out of a romance film. This seemed to be the time to fall in love, and find the one you have been looking for was beside you the whole time. This was the time that would work for anyone else, but not someone as unfortunate as Michael._

_Luke unwrapped himself from Michael, and his eyes looked deep into his green ones. The two men began to instinctively move closer together, so close that Michael could feel Luke’s soft breath against his lips._

_Michael foolishly thought this was his shot. This was the moment he had been wishing for since they were kids. He let his eyes flutter closed, and he kissed Luke._

_The kiss was short, and Michael thought it was sweet, but when he pulled away, he was met with Luke’s big eyes, and pink cheeks. He looked shocked, and Michael began to wonder if he read the signs wrong._

_Luke looked down at his lap, and then back to Michael. “I think I might go to bed.” He mumbled quickly, and with that he stood up, and basically ran inside, leaving Michael alone on the beach._

The recording session started as John walked into the room. He took a seat, and each of the four boys pulled out their journals. The always started their days by discussing new ideas for songs, and what they were working on, and since they hadn’t seen each other for over a month, they had a lot to share.

 

Ashton started first, and he shared a song he was working on that was about his current girlfriend. Next was Calum and he shared an idea for a song that he was writing based off Ashton’s point of view. Next was Luke, and he quickly shared one he was working on about a night with someone he loved. Michael felt the familiar ache in his chest as Luke read some potential lyrics. They were so beautiful, and whoever the song was about was really lucky.

 

Michael went next, and his nerves were so bad, he didn’t think he would be able to get a word out. He stared at the group for a while, not sure what to say. His mouth felt dry and his heart was beating so fast, he began to wonder what he had been working on, or if he was working on anything at all.

 

“Mike and I wrote a song together about not being okay, and that being okay.” Calum chimed in. Michael took a deep breath remembering Jet Black Heart. He flipped to the page with what he had, and shared some of the lyrics. When he finished he looked up to see the reaction, and was met again with Luke’s warm eyes.

 

Michael blushed lightly, and thought for a brief moment that maybe they were okay. They could get through it. But then Luke turned sad, and looked away, and Michael was reminded about how bad he ruined things.

 

“I like that.” Ashton chirped, a wide grin on his lips. It was the same grin that usually made Michael feel great, but right now was doing nothing.

 

“You have anything else Mike?” John asked.

 

Michael nodded slowly, and flipped back to what he wrote down yesterday. He looked at the jumble of words, unable to read them with his mind spinning as fast as it was.

 

“You want me to read it?” Calum mumbled to Michael. Michael nodded shakily, swallowing the lump in his throat, and preparing himself for the torture of what he wrote.

 

Calum read the messy, love lyrics aloud, while Michael looked down at his hands. He took deep breathes, and tried to picture himself anywhere but here. He wanted to disappear. He should have said he had nothing else. This song should be just his, but now it was too late.

 

Calum finished the lyrics, and handed the journal back to Michael. “That was really good man.” Calum mumbled as he handed it back.

 

“Thanks.” Michael whispered, then he looked back up at the group. He looked to Luke first, seeing his blue eyes becoming teary. Michael quirked his eyebrow in curiosity, and watched as Luke stepped out of the room.

 

Everyone fell silent as Luke left, the tension filling the small room. All of them had known of the summer mishap, and all of them were expecting something like this, but it didn’t make the moment any less awkward.

 

“I’ll go check on him.” Michael mumbled, pulling himself off the couch, and basically running after Luke.

 

He found him sitting in the kitchen, resting against the countertop. He had tears running down his cheeks, and he seemed to be trying to take deep breathes. He looked like a wreck, and Michael was trying to figure out why. He thought Luke might be uncomfortable, and maybe upset, but never sad. He never thought he would find Luke crying in the kitchen.

 

“Hey. Are you okay?” Michael asked when he stepped into the room.

 

Luke’s head snapped up, and Michael was sure he hurt his neck in the action. His eyes grew wide, and he looked almost shocked.

 

“Um, yeah.” He mumbled, using his hands to wipe away the tears.

 

“What’s wrong?” Michael asked as he moved in closer. Luke seemed to move closer too, and they met somewhere in the middle, Luke collapsing in Michael’s embrace, more tears flooding from his eyes. “Hey, you’re okay.” Michael mumbled into Luke’s messy curls.

 

“I thought I fucked everything up.” Luke said in between his light cries.

 

“No. You didn’t fuck anything up. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have kissed you.” Michael replied quietly.

 

Luke pulled away, his eyes growing confused. “I kissed you.”

 

“I’m pretty sure I kissed you.” Michael replied, now even more confused than ever. “That’s why you pulled away and ran inside, because you didn’t think I was going to kiss you.”

 

“No. I ran inside because I thought you would be mad that I kissed you.” Luke replied.

 

“Even though I was the one who kissed you, I would not have been mad if it was the other way around.” Michael replied, his mind spinning. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Luke wasn’t supposed to feel bad. He wasn’t supposed to want to kiss Michael. He was supposed to tell Michael that he wanted to forget the kiss so they could work together, or if Michael was lucky, ask Michael if they could remain friends. He wasn’t supposed to be claiming to be the one initiating the kiss, and hugging Michael so tightly.

 

“You’re not mad at me?” Luke whispered.

 

“I could never be mad at you, Luke.” Michael replied. “You’re not uncomfortable with me?”

 

“Never could be, Mike.” Luke smiled widely, moving back into the hug, and holding Michael so tightly he wasn’t sure he could breathe.

 

“Can I kiss you again?” Michael asked.

 

“Only if you come home tonight.” Luke mumbled into Michael’s shirt.

 

“Promise.” Michael replied, pulling Luke away, and leaning in for a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! I hope you liked it!! 
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr: [fleetwoodmuke](http://fleetwoodmuke.tumblr.com/)


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